As the night goes on a fiddler piercing sound brings a smile to your heart and inner laughter that only you can understand.
However, in life, there are untold millions who play different kinds of the fiddle. This fiddler lives with an agonizing sense of not being good enough. For me that has been my life since the day I was born with my grandmother made it widely known that my older brother was the only grandchild she wanted. Being number two of what would become 17 grandchildren that would be reinforced time and time again. Through all of this, my father was in law enforcement and of course, the general public needs would come first. That is not a knock against my father. In what became a common thread in our household my mother and father would have “discussions” he would always say ” what about Mike”? My mother’s response was ” he will be ok”. Frankly she was wrong and still is to this very day.
Then many years later I met the love of my life and she was ( as still is) an RN and of course, patients come first and that will never change.
What you develop is a sense that you are not good enough every time some puts other things before you it is just another bold sign that you are not good enough and your feelings do not matter. At this point in my life that will never change and like millions of others you just try and survive being told you will always play second fiddle and that is what truly breaks your heart!